Apparitions Lyrics

Have thoughts of the last memory pre the pandemic

Was watching you pass

In the hospice you lacked energy, eager to end it

To God you had asked with pleas for ascension

To the cosmos your mass was weak in intensive

The thought was perhaps the creed and the remnants

Of the doctrines would cast you into your prior self, the most high would help

You paid the last tithe, he gave the last rites

To lie in the grave, finally saved from that plight

That deprived because the wager that displayed on that dice

When your life, hit that shade of black ice

Because around the same time my momma's water had broke

Your cognitive was targeted for assaults by a stroke

Weren't close, since my entry was concurrent

With plenty of your hurting, now it's curtains, I'm sorry

Sitting here wrapped in regret

Trying to put these voices to rest

Hoping this moment'll pass

Conversating with the ghost of my past

How many lives alcoholism's affected?

How many died drowning sorrows in that next sip?

How many tried bouncing off for an exit

Only to get mired by doubt and the regression?

Ya, it was August of '14

That daughter of yours seen your body upward

Leaned at the wall and the door, she called 'em mournfully

All distraught as they all got to the poor scene

The procedures were given forthwith

But your features were rigor mortis

Torturous, found the liver sick with cirrhosis

So down the River Styx where ya soul went

Didn't know it, our families were dumbfound

Wish you had a chance to glance at your son now

Be grand seeing all the man he's become now

All the standards, he's outran 'em and trumped now

You'd be dumb proud, so the tears they come down

Remember your voice, but it fades in the grieving

Your disease, a generation bequeathed it

Wish we all got you the aid that you needed, I'm sorry

Sitting here wrapped in regret

Trying to put these voices to rest

Hoping this moment'll pass

Conversating with the ghost of my past

Each death, a shard of innocence fades

Mnemonic for how far we are from simplest days

Feels tectonic how hard they've been shifting my plate

And what's on it, enlarging, proliferating the weight

On my shoulder blades, as reality bites

I'm 28 and my salary's height

Has just passed, the minimum wage

Can't cut slack putting ambition to waste

At 25 and 20 it was glimmers of faith

I identify I'm empty in a cynical place

Can't minimize the envy in my sentiment's traits

My innards tied it lends me to a pitiful phase

My visual's dazed, who I'm losing believed in me most

So I'm easily host to a load of regrets

And I mope since I'm yet to be achieving these goals

And I'm reaching 3-0, so

This mix of choices just led to shit employment

Feel like a disappointment

Hard to smile, can't reconcile

Some saw death without

Seeing my success, if I let you down, I'm sorry

Sitting here wrapped in regret

Trying to put these voices to rest

Hoping this moment'll pass

Conversating with the ghost of my past