Fat Assed Woman Lyrics

Fat assed woman in a black negligee

Turns my way

Runs her fingers through her long black hair

Breaks the silence with a shrill

Hello, what do you know

And a softer whisper of intention

Too strange to mention but obviously there

So many frequently repeated vulgarisms are uttered

My conscience never knows that it stuttered

There's a chastity belt wrapped around my wallet

To which I can never find the key

She waits there for twenty-seven seconds and then leaves me

Fat assed woman in a black negligee

Walks away

She'll never know just what she's missing

Everyone within a twelve-foot radius is smitten with the possibilities

As a man emerges with a small child in his arms

From where he's been working in the kitchen

Wrapped up in a life so full of potential

Three cheeseburgers catch fire on the grill

Man leaves with his child on his shoulders

Heads off to visit his wife in a mental institution where the air is colder

Where she's thinking about all the things they could have done together

As the night nurse bring her a pill

She waits for twenty-seven seconds, and swallows it, and knows they never will

Fat assed woman in a black negligee

Had nothing to say

But a picture is worth a thousand words

The destitute sailor can't find the blond woman in the tavern

She escaped with a midget from Istanbul, a vulture, a raven, and a thousand other birds

It rained earlier today

Perhaps the air was temporarily warmed

The sailor drinks several pints of dark ale

And writes poems about a dead bartender whose eyes used to sting like a thorn

A woman he used to date during the ticking of the clocks

When his mind was not quite so sealed in a box

Fat assed woman in a black negligee taps him on the shoulder

He marries her in a hurry, no time to waste

Both of them finally had to face the fact they were getting older